I Am Going to Be Starving

If my posts get crazy over the course of the next three days, it’s because I’m calorie deficient and my body is eating itself.

I’ve been Cleanse-Curious for a few years now. Ever since learning from Robb Wolf about food and how it impacts the body, I have wanted to try a cleanse, but I have always been too scared. If you Google ‘cleanse’, you’ll come up will all kinds of different options, from juice cleanses, broth cleanses and dandelion tea cleanses, the options are really limitless. All tout toxin elimination, weight loss, more energy, decrease in bloating and improved digestion. However, when you tell me I have to give up coffee and wine for the duration of the cleanse, well, I’d rather just have a colonic. Side note: Colonics can expel parasites. File that one away for my tapeworm idea that I still have to tell you about.

Of course the thought of not eating anything delicious for days doesn’t really appeal to me either, but that is really secondary to the coffee and wine issue.

Well, upon doing some serious research on Facebook, everyone’s source of scientifically factual information, I saw that a friend had posted some info about a cleanse. I asked her for more info and then talked a friend into suffering cleansing with me. Then Skyler said she wanted to do it. Then my niece, who just came back from Watershed (the festival, not the rehab center, although I find it ironic that they share a name since one discourages, and the other encourages alcohol consumption), said she needed to detox. I created a band wagon and people are just jumping on. Misery loves company, ya know?

So tomorrow begins the three day adventure, and my stomach is growling just thinking about it. I’m going to have a high calorie, high carb “Last Supper” to help prepare. I’m also thinking about paying for some hypnotherapy so that I can ‘forget’ what food even is.last supper

I’ve read people’s blog posts about cleanses that they’ve done and I have to tell you, I think people are big liars. “I never felt hungry” and “I had so much energy” are common repeated phrases. I cannot, for the life of me, believe these statements to be true. I am, however, expecting the best and preparing for the worst. I expect to be starving and lethargic. I plan on complaining, loudly. I will be telling you the truth about the whole thing though, not sugar coating the experience, so that you are tricked into thinking you should do it too.

I can be bluntly honest.  Ask my kids. And stay tuned, or jump on the bandwagon. In the mean time, here’s a picture of my Last Supper.

 

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