I Don’t Do Puke.

Ernie, one of my dogs, woke me up puking last night. There is just nothing like the sound of someone heaving to pull you gently from your slumber.

We thought he had gone under the bed, so my husband is on his hands and knees at three in the morning with the mag light, moving around those big vacuum seal bags that have the other season of clothing in them. Most places have four seasons. We have two. Rainy and not rainy. It’s currently rainy. When he had exhausted his search of both sides of the bed without finding  the dog, it was my turn to look, so I got out of bed and went out in the hallway, past a pile of puke, and  into the living room where I found Ernie hiding behind the entertainment center. I took the dog, my husband got the puke. I don’t do puke. Like ever.

My daughter, Skyler, once puked on my bed when Phil was out of town. She sat up in the middle of the night and just let it go. I was horrified. I’m pretty sure I might have yelled, “Skyler! What are you doing!?” because most kids that puke, do it on purpose and have a reasonable explanation for it. With Phil out of town, I was in a predicament. There was no one to deal with the steaming, stinking mess my daughter had created. So, I did what any reasonable person would do and I carefully, to avoid any sleepcontact with anything that might be in contact with the vomit, folded the comforter up and took it out to the trash.

My husband got home and I then had to explain why we had a new comforter. He was confused as to why I didn’t just wash the old comforter. I replied that there was NO WAY that I would have put those chunks into my washing machine. He then suggested that I could have taken the comforter outside and hosed it off and then put it in the washer. That was probably the most ridiculous thing I’d heard of. Can you picture me outside at 2am rinsing off a comforter in my back yard? The neighbors would think I was cleaning up a crime scene. Then I’d have to deal with them peaking through the fence for weeks. I’d have to lay off the duct taping the kids for a while. The whole thing would just go badly. He so rationally suggested that I could have waited until morning to rinse off the comforter, I mean, who does that stuff in the middle of the night?

Who does that stuff, period? I threw it away. End of discussion. Case closed. The deed is done. Now, can you please go and ground your daughter for puking on the bed?

Anyway, back to my sweet, sick dog, he finally settled back down to sleep around four, so when my alarm clock went off at 6am, I was thinking, “Hell NO.” and I reset it for 6:30am, but then when I woke up at 6:30, Ernie was stretched out, snuggled up against me sound asleep and I just didn’t have the heart to move the poor little angel after his rough night. So, I laid there for another hour, not disturbing him, my foot falling asleep, surfing my news feed on my phone, until he finally turned over. I think I might love my dogs more than my daughter. I didn’t yell at my dog for puking and I did yell at  Skyler. That’s a sign, right? Don’t tell her. I need someone to take care of me in my old age and she’s so far my best bet of the three kids.

weatherAnyway, in news that doesn’t involve throwing up, I opened up my email this morning and there was one that caught my eye. It was titled: “Summer is here. Grab your friend and get a bowl.” I thought maybe I had somehow accidentally hacked into my neighbor’s email. Things are sometimes pretty fragrant in their direction, but no, it was an email from Noodles and Company. Maybe their marketing department is working out of Washington state these days? I don’t know. There won’t be any bowls involved, of the noodle or other variety, but I am grabbing some friends today. We’re heading to the beach for a girls’ weekend. I’m super exited because the weather looks like it’s going to clear up just about the time we get ready to leave the beach to go back home. Perfect.

I guess I’ll have to bring a bottle of wine. Actually, I was going to do that if it was sunny too, so… I’ll let you know how that goes.

If you are a regular reader (there are about three of you now) and were looking for something deep and inspiring today, I apologize. I was up with a sick dog and now I’m sleep deprived. I had a different plan for today’s blog post, but this is where it ended up. Here’s to hoping no one throws up tonight!





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