Just Ask Me

With water shortages, climate change and bees dropping like flies, there is one thing that we still have an over abundance of, and that is opinions. We humans are never in short supply of opinions, and only too happy to share ours, in the event someone needs one, or doesn’t.

I think that is why I like getting a jury summons. I seriously get one of those every other year; They want my opinion SO badly, they’re even willing to pay for it, never mind the paltry sum. My husband, on the other hand, who has lived in this state his whole life has only received one or two summons. What does that say about his opinions? Well, of course I think my opinions are better, but then, isn’t that the nature of an opinion?

Unfortunately, I completely forgot to appear the last time I was summonsed, so not only did they have to go without my opinions, but now I probably have a warrant out for my arrest and one day I’ll get pulled over for speeding (who, me?) and will have nearly worked my way out of ticket when the officer will go back to his car to run my license and come back, gun drawn, having called for back up, and arrest me. I’ll make the evening news, because of course I won’t go down quietly and then I’ll have to figure out which family member I should call to bail me out. First choice would be one with money, but I’m going to have to settle on which ever phone number I can remember without my cell phone. Seriously, does anyone know anybody’s phone numbers by heart anymore? Then I’m going to have to hope that I get bailed out before dinner, because I don’t want to take a chance that Red and crew are in the kitchen, ready to break in the newbie prisoner. I wonder, if I have a record, can I still serve on a jury? Anyone? Hmmm. Maybe I should make a run for the border, or just go turn myself in.

I know that it is only because I am bossy a good leader that I feel like everyone needs, no, wants my opinion. I just feel like if people would just ask me, they could save a lot of trouble, pain and money on things. I’m going to give you just one example, although I have many too choose from. There is this shampoo called Dumb Blonde. I didn’t name it, they didn’t ask me, so don’t get your panties in a wad to me about it! It is manufactured by a company named TIGI. Now, I have loved this shampoo for years. It is a gentle cleansing shampoo designed for people who bleach their hair (thus the name) and it is pH balancing. For those that don’t know a thing about pH, this is a good thing. AnyWHO… what the makers of Dumb Blonde don’t know, is that because the shampoo is pH balancing, it works really, really, super well for people that have dry scalp (which is a polite way to say dandruff- I am nothing if not polite!). Every time you wash your hair with this shampoo, it brings the pH of your hair to a natural, normal state (the goal of the shampoo), but it also, unintentionally,  does the same thing to your scalp, because it is difficult to wash your hair without washing your scalp, though I have never tried to do this. There are a couple of reasons that this is great news, first, most dandruff shampoos are really hard on your hair and scalp. They clean too deeply, which can be a problem if you color your hair and they also can irritate your scalp causing it to over-react, getting you into this vicious cycle of HAVING to use a dandruff shampoo to keep the flakes at bay. They can also smell bad, like medicine, and they usually say DANDRUFF on the bottle, nice and big so that when your snoop dog friends come over and have to pee and are checking out what you’ve got under your bathroom cabinets and in your shower, they know that you need dandruff shampoo. Yes, they do snoop. The door is locked. Wouldn’t you?

Dumb Blonde is sneakier, but only because the company hasn’t asked me. If they asked me, I’d tell them that it works better than any dandruff shampoo out there and they should market the sh*t out of it for all the flakey people in the world and then they should give me half of the cash, because I told them so. The other thing they should have asked me about is their packaging. When Dumb Blonde first came out, it was in this translucent pink bottle and the shampoo itself was pink, smelling like grapefruit. Pink isn’t exactly gender friendly color as a shampoo, but I still had no problem selling a pink bottle of shampoo to guys. After all, if it gets rid of the flakes… Everything was going along fine, when TIGI did what every company does, and it MAKES NO SENSE. We’ve got a great product in a good package that people love, so what should we do? Oh, I know, let’s change it! For the love of all things Holy! Why companies do this is beyond me. If we wanted change, we would pick up the pennies we walk by on the street. We DON’T want change. We want the comfort of the same product in the same package with the same smell. We can deal with a price increase if that is what is behind the whole thing, just do not change our products. So, the brilliant minds at TIGI concoct a plan to update the packaging & product of the already awesome Dumb Blonde, except, guess what. Their new packaging is HORRIBLE. Ugly. I think it was supposed to be a paint splatter, but it reminds me of barf, and I don’t do throw up. I would rather have a bottle that says “dandruff shampoo” in my shower than their new barf splattered bottle. They didn’t stop there though. They changed the scent of the shampoo too. What used to have this light grapefruit scent now smells like baby aspirin. Remember baby aspirin? Yeah, it smells like that tastes. Not that I ever ate baby aspirin, more than once or twice. Okay, I might like the taste of it, but, gross. Who wants their hair to smell like baby aspirin. So NOW when I sell this shampoo, I have to do this whole disclaimer about how the package is ugly and it doesn’t smell great, but it ‘works really well’. Much harder to sell, and they must have gotten that picture, because just recently, they went through another phase of repackaging and guess what? Their new packaging is nearly identical to their original packaging. WHAT? How much money did we waste on THAT decision? I could have told them and saved them bank, but they did not ask me.


The thing about opinions that can be dangerous, is that we really only want to listen to opinions that are in line with ours. Why do you think those little opinion channels CNN and FOX are so opinionated? Because they know that they have an audience that agrees with whatever they are spewing out, so they don’t have to worry too much whether all of the facts are straight. No time is better to witness this than during the election cycle. Ugh.

Opinions are lovely things to have. They make us feel right, and smart, and sure of ourselves. But sometimes, I find that it is difficult to NOT share my opinion when I know the other person doesn’t want it, because I think they really NEED it. These are the times when I have to tread lightly. It usually goes something like this, “I’m going to say something, and you don’t have to get upset about it, but I really think you should hear me out…” leaving out the, ‘otherwise you are going to screw this up terribly and I’m going to have to say I told you so’    See. I can be gentle, subtle, non-obtrusive.



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